He will manipulate you, and you will not even guess

When your partner, after scandals, aggression and other unworthy behavior, after you left, will come to you, will you forgive him? According to statistics - yes! Because the victim of abuse can return to his abuser again and again. Especially when it seems that everything has changed, the partner has understood his mistakes and the relationship is about to bloom again with love. In fact, the partner's "correcting" of their behavior is just another form of abuse, known as hoovering. Let's briefly explain what it is and why it's dangerous. Most people don't even recognize this type of emotional abuse. Sometimes, genuine remorse is mistaken for hoovering. What is the hoovering technique (vacuum cleaner technique) in the context of an abusive relationship? The hoovering technique involves an abuser who, after the victim leaves, begins to idealize themselves, show remorse, and attempt to win the victim back through a honeymoon period and other manipulations. Look: an abuser is unable to control their emotions, and they experience emotions only through the emotions of their victim. They also love control, and when they lose that control, they lose their minds. And the cycle of abuse begins again. The cycle of abuse includes a honeymoon phase (love and courtship), a tension phase (irritability), an outburst of violence, followed by a lull and repentance, and then the cycle repeats. Who is most likely to fall for this trick? A person who has experienced rejection and abandonment trauma. A victim with such trauma may begin to return to the abuser when the abuser begins to choose and pay attention to them, forgetting the moments of rejection. When the abuser returns, showing remorse, the victim feels chosen, selected, and important. Unfortunately, sometimes these stories end with more than just psychological abuse. What is recommended for women to do to avoid becoming a victim of abuse? Learn to manage your personal boundaries, change your mindset, participate in self-education programs, and work with a psychologist. There is no other solution. In my programs, I teach women how to avoid becoming a victim of abuse and how to escape if they have already fallen into the trap.