Play for five, six or seven people "Honest announcement"

ACTORS

MOM – a short, cheerful old woman of 66 years;

YURA – son, "sitting on the neck" of the mother. Tall fellow 36 years old.

SANEK is a friend of Yura, a darling of fate, about 40 years old.

DARIA is the first candidate for a relationship, 28 years old.

ARINA is the second candidate for a relationship, 35 years old.

MILANA is the third candidate for a relationship, 42 years old.

KAPITOLINA is the fourth candidate for a relationship, 18 years old.

Not all female roles of relationship candidates overlap, they can be played by 4.3 or 2 Actresses.

Yura's Hobbies are fooling around, making faces, gesticulating, and imitating. Therefore, special attention should be paid to the roles of this character in relation to the clarity of facial expressions and artistry in General. This is important!

ACT ONE

MOM AND YURA's apartment

Hall.

A table, two stools (strong, will "fly"), a sofa, a TV, a wardrobe (not heavy, so that my mother could move it), bookshelves (one of which will later move) things and other attributes that correspond to a residential home is not rich environment.

Quiet, calm music is playing. Not a bright light.

In an apron, cheerful all in the process of cooking, a short mother bustles into the room. Carries a saucer of sliced bread. Puts it on the table, hurries to the kitchen.

After a while, my mother appears again, holding a saucepan and a cutting Board. Puts everything on the table, hurries to the kitchen, brings two spoons, a salt shaker, and napkins to the hall. It stands, looks carefully at the table, calculates something. She remembers that she hasn't reported it yet, runs to the kitchen, returns with a teapot and two mugs. He looks at the table contentedly.

The music stops.

He takes off his apron, turns around, and calls his son.

MOTHER (affectionately, loving, caring): Yuri? My son? Time to get up. The porridge is getting cold. (Walks across the room, puts two stools at the table, turns around, sees that his son has not yet arrived, continues to call) Yurochka Wake up, dear, Breakfast is ready!

With the face swollen from sleep, in half – lowered family underpants of a very intricate style, which his mother-old woman obviously sewed for him (it is highly desirable to make to order or sew something unconventionally funny on her own), yawning and stretching, reluctantly, a bumpy son, a tall fellow, passes into the hall. In his hand, he has a crumpled t-shirt, which he tries to straighten out and determine where the front is and where the back is. Puts it on, but, as it turns out, on the left side. The thick seams of the fabric clearly protrude, attracting attention.

MOTHER (affectionately, loving, caring): Son, please come to the table, how did you sleep? You don't look happy. Did you have a bad dream?

YURA (yawning): No, not really… Sleep is just fine. Everything was even good there, but not enough.

MOTHER (curiously): How interesting, but what did you dream? What's not enough?

Yura looks at her mother with a strange look. He's confused, and he knows he shouldn't have said that.

YURA (wagging): Nuuu…, how to say… (Abruptly changes the tactics of defense to attack, paying attention to the table) I didn't bring any plates! Mom, what am I going to eat out of?

The old mother pays attention to her mistake, throws up her hands in frustration.

MOM (annoyed): Oh, I'm so busy. Now, my dear, now everything will be fine.

The mother runs to the kitchen and returns with two plates. Takes care of his son, puts him first, puts a plate in front of him, puts a spoon, ties him a napkin (or a handkerchief at the discretion of the Director). He sits down opposite me. Proceeds to the Breakfast.

The mother eats, not too loudly and clearly, but still slurps.

The son sits, does not eat, and with gentle glances sends passes of mimic gestures of disapproval in the direction of the mother.

The mother pays attention to this. She's worried.

MOM (annoyed): What is it, dear?

YURA (ornately): Here… Such case.

MOTHER (alarmed): Well,what?

YURA (prevaricating): I don't even know how to say…

MOM (alarmed): Speak up, Lord Almighty. What happened?

YURA (annoyed): You're slurping! Annoying!

Mom lets out a sigh of relief, preparing for something more weighty.

MOM (guiltily): So I'm old, no teeth read. And so I try to be careful.

JURA (on the nerves): And not particularly it turns out!

Mom shrugs guiltily and continues to eat. Every now and then she makes a little noise.

YURA (with a flourish and a grimace): It may sound a little strange, it may even sound rude, and I admit that it may even be outrageous, but… Listen… And you couldn't eat somewhere out there… in the kitchen, for example, because you're losing your appetite, and Breakfast is the most important food, you said yourself… my

Mother humbly takes her Cup, spoon, and leaves the table.

MOM (guiltily): Yes,Yes… I understand everything. When I was young, my grandfather also irritated me with such phenomena… it came back to me. Enjoy your meal, son. I'm in the kitchen, if you need anything, call out.

Mom leaves.

The son makes a disgusted face, a little contemptible shiver runs through him (twitches). He looks to see if mom's gone, grimaces. The mood lifts, and he begins to eat with an impudent haughty expression on his face.

With a clang, clang and crash, almost falling, Sanek runs into the room, trying to keep his balance.

An iron basin and bucket, a ladle, all this also flies into the room obviously after meeting with the clumsy foot of a not too young and not particularly attentive man.

SANEK (on emotion, rushing into the room): .

Yura is sitting with her back to him, jumping up from the clang and crash, spilling porridge on her pants, the plate falls to the floor, but the spoon with the pitiful remnants of Breakfast is still in her hand.

YURA (recovering from the shock, trying to cope with a nervous TIC that came from nowhere): Sanek… Healthy, old boy. You what is this neither light nor sh…, (takes a breath) nor dawn, and even so shocking. And what about the mother? I didn't hear…

Sanek collects the basin, bucket, and ladle that he dropped, and carefully sets them all aside.

SANEK (irritated): Yes, I'm talking… Your mother is a good woman. Economic. All something kolgotitsya, something pyzhitsya, something all makes, prepares… (points to the basin and bucket), washes, obviously. Or are you doing the Laundry?

Yura's outraged facial expressions and gestures speak for themselves.

YURA (taken aback): A fool or what?

SANYA (smoothing out the corners): Me? Yes, it seems not quite. It's just that the "tazovederny trains" in your house didn't cross my path before. And as for neither light nor SRA… (takes a breath) nor dawn, so it's you overreacted. What a morning, it's almost eleven o'clock!

Yura licks the remains of the porridge from the spoon and calls out to her mother with displeasure.

YURA (loudly, addressing the kitchen): Mom! Here it is… Need a rag… and grab a dustpan and brush!

Mom comes running with a rag, brush and dustpan, warmly greets Sanka. He's busy cleaning up after his son.

YURA (to her mother, incredulously): Mom, is it really eleven o'clock?

MOM (calmly, good): True, my son, it's already past eleven.

YURA (to her mother, indignantly): Why did you Wake me up so late? Didn't I ask you to Wake me up at nine? Today we have a business meeting with Sanka. I should have been prepared, at least had time to Wake up properly!

MOTHER (calmly, good): I did Wake you up, son. I came to you four times, but you didn't Wake up. He grumbled, swore, and threw a pillow at me one last time. Breakfast was already cold, and I had to warm it up. I tried, really.

YURA (to her mother, indignantly): So you're not trying hard. I should have done something different, I don't know… to be smart. Shamed me in front of a friend.

Yura makes an indignant grimace and rolls her eyes.

SANYA (smoothing out the corners): Come on, whatever. It happens to everyone. I've sometimes gone as far as twelve, or even as far as two.

MOM (with interest): What kind of event are you planning? Business meeting? Did you decide to get a job?

Sanek and Yura look at their mother with a disapproving, reproachful look, but they are silent.

Mom understands their look and shakes her head.

MOTHER (disappointed): Well yes… What am I, really? What kind of work in thirty-six years. Small yet. (Sanku) And it's probably too late for you, Sasha. (Resignedly, continuing cleaning) Never mind, we'll hang out sometime. I understand everything, these are difficult times, the employer is deceiving at every step. (Son) You'd better be at home, so it will be safer, and calmer. I've got a pension for a thousand dollars, and I've taken some home-sewing work. It's normal, why complain, a lot of people live worse.

The mother finishes cleaning up after her son, goes to the kitchen.

SANEK (admiringly): You have a great mother. Here is my me constantly shpynyaet – go work, go work. I may be about to turn forty, but you can't just take me. Spend priceless years of your life sitting in depressing warehouses, production halls, or dusty offices? I didn't find myself in a dumpster. It is necessary to live brightly, easily, naturally! It's so easy. Is it really that hard to understand? After all, our old people should be wise, and they are some kind of stupid on the contrary.

Yura looks reproachfully at his friend.

SANEK (making excuses): well… it doesn't apply to your mother, but in General… some generation of fools seems to have grown up in the post-war years. Well, it's understandable, in General, it was hard, it was necessary to raise the country! Education and self-development was not at all in the first so to speak needs…

YURA (turning the topic): Okay, no more demagoguery. What was there, how it was there. We met today for a very specific event, so we won't waste any time!

SANEK (clapping his hands, rubbing his hands): Yes!

YURA (businesslike): So, my dear friend. What do we have? So I'm thirty-six years old!

SANEK (cheerfully, enthusiastically): So!

JURA (business): Marriage was not seen…

SANYA (cheerfully, enthusiastically): I wasn't!

JURA (business): As in fact, and in General in the company of a girl.

SANEK (surprised): Really? What in General, what if never with anyone and never?

YURA (judiciously): It happens! Haven't you read Omar Khayyam? Here he says that it's better to be alone than with just anyone!

Sanek scratches his chin thoughtfully.

SANEK (surprised): However… And have you read much of this outstanding man's work?

YURA (hesitating): Frankly, not very much. Yes, in all conscience, only this.

SANEK (smiling contentedly): Ah…Well… that's What I thought.

YURA (businesslike): So! Again with the topic jumped. So, today we are going to find me a life partner! Or have you changed your mind to help me in this difficult task?

SANEK (smiling contentedly): What are you, old boy! Where are you without your old friend, wise bitter experience in the field of gender relations? Of course, I will help, I have already made some sketches, so to speak, variants. We are going to place an ad about Dating on the Internet?

YURA (delovo): Well, where else? Not on the fence as in the middle ages…

SANYA (business): There! I figured out how to correctly compose the ad text, so that, you know – to hook! To attract! To catch the hook of such a girl, with whom you will then swim all your life in the ocean of passion!

YURA (rather admiringly): That's what an experienced friend means! As I said! Come on, come on. What are the options you came up with?

Sanek is all of himself, he feels the master of the situation, he is the "king of the world".

SANYA (business): So, we need to show your strengths, in the most attractive light to present to the court of single girls, or not singles, this is already… you know, things happen, your person. So. Option one!

YURA (intrigued): Right?

SANEK (pathetic): A seasoned alpha male, in the Prime of life, with excellent health and a well-established genotype, is looking for a worthy candidate for the post of a faithful reliable life partner!

Sanek pauses, waiting for a reaction.

Yura looks at him indifferently.

SANEK (pathetic): What's it like?

SANEK (disappointed, drooping): Listen well… I don't know, of course, what's wrong with the genotype. About health – well… unless… Yes, I'm not exhausted by work, but I would hardly be accepted into the Olympic reserve, as if… everything is not so smooth for me. And last – a seasoned alpha male! I have no idea what to do with the girl, how to go where and what Makar, and how to get to the stage of relevance of this issue? What kind of alpha am I? Where did you find the male in me? (embarrassed) No, thank you very much, but it's not true, is it?

SANEK (cheerfully, fervently): Ha, yurok, made me laugh. Who writes the truth in ads on Dating sites? And in General, in principle, in ads. This is the most that neither is advertising! And advertising works only when it is able to convince the average person that this product, product, service or… (takes a breath, points to a friend) in this case, a person, just needs it! We have to make you the kind of macho man that hundreds of women, thousands of girls, and maybe even a dozen men will want.

Sanek twists his smile, jokingly shows his tongue.

Yura shudders at the last thing he heard. His face reflects a premonitory state.

SANEK (cheerfully, fervently): Yes, I'm joking, relax, (with a dig) although…

Yura's look makes it clear that he does not Intend to joke, not the mood.

SANEK: okay. A lot will depend on the quality of your profile picture!

YURA (timidly): A..... is it necessary?

SANEK (pressing): Of course! This is almost the most basic point! The most important first factor that will determine whether you will start to study in detail or immediately scroll through the General pile of questionnaires.

YURA (uncertainly): Listen, well… well, what about the soul there, interests… essence of man. You can't just judge someone by their appearance!

SANEK (sarcastically): Yes? You flipped through these sites in front of me last week! I saw you there looking for a soulmate, sweeping left and right all those who did not conform to the categories is not something that even a miss of a city or region, but something even a miss world or miss universe, not every you have arranged for a photo in the profile! Well… you can talk?

GEORGE (indignantly): This is different! After all, I'm a man, it's important to me that my girlfriend was beautiful!

SANEK (with sarcasm): And… so it's important for you that the girl is beautiful, well-groomed, and so on, and the girl, do you think, does not care what her possible future chosen one looks like? Yes, girls study us even more carefully in this sense, even though they say that appearance is not important. But they say a lot of things, and they've never exchanged me for a handsome man! So…