CHAP. XVI.
The Muzzles

While the Bramins were making Brama speak, airing their Pagoda's by processions, and exhorting the people to repentance; others were thinking how to reap benefit by the prattle of Toys.

Great cities swarm with persons, whom misery renders industrious. – They neither rob nor pick pockets: but they are to pick-pockets, what pick-pockets are to gamblers. They know every thing, they do every thing. They go up and down, they insinuate themselves. They are found at court, in the city, at Westminster hall, at church, at the play, at ladies toilets, in coffee-houses, at balls, opera's and in academies. They are any thing that you would have them be. Do you sollicit a pension, they have the minister's ear. Have you a law-suit, they will sollicite for you. Do you love gaming, they will make a party with you; good chear, they keep a good kitchen; women, they will introduce you to Amina or Acaris. From which of the two would you please to purchase the distemper? Take your choice, they will undertake your cure. Their chief occupation is to find the ridicules of private persons, and to make advantage of the follies of the public. From them it is, that papers are distributed in the streets, at the gates of temples, at the play-house doors, and other public places, by which you are advertised gratis, that such an one living at the Louvre, St. John's, the temple, or the abby, at such a sign, dupes mankind at home from nine in the morning to noon, and abroad the rest of the day.

Scarce had the Toys began to speak, when one of these sharpers fill'd the houses of Banza with a printed bill of this form and tenor. – Advertisement to the ladies. And underneath in small Italic, by permission of my lord the great Seneschal, and with the approbation of the gentlemen of the royal academy of sciences. And lower down: The Sieur Eolipila of the royal academy of Banza, Member of the royal society of Monoémugi, of the imperial academy of Biafara, of the academy of the curious of Loango, of the society of Camur in Monomotapa, of the institute of Ereeco, and of the royal academies of Beleguanza and Angola; who has for many years given courses of baubles, with the applause of the court, the town, and the province; has, in favour of the fair sex, invented muzzles or portable gags, which deprive Toys of the use of speech, without obstructing their natural functions. They are neat and convenient. He has some of all sizes, of all prices, and for all ages: and he has had the honour to serve persons of the highest distinction with them.

There is nothing like being a member of a body of men. Be a work ever so ridiculous, it is puff'd into success. Thus it was, that Eolipila's invention gain'd ground. People flock'd to his house. The gay ladies went thither in their own equipages, prudent women in hackney-coaches; the devouts sent their confessors or footmen, and nuns their door-keepers. Every body must have a muzzle, so that not one from the dutchess down to the cobler's Joan, but had one either for the fashion or for reasons.

The Bramins, who had declared the prattle of Toys to be a divine punishment, and flatter'd themselves with a reformation of manners and other advantages from it, could not without horror see a machine, which eluded the vengeance of heaven and their hopes. Scarcely had they come down from their pulpits, but they mount again, thunder, roar, make the oracles to speak, and pronounce that a muzzle is an infernal machine, and that there is no salvation for those who shall use them. "Carnal women, quit your muzzles; submit," cried they, "to the will of Brama. Permit the voice of your Toys to awaken that of your consciences, and blush not to acknowledge crimes, which you have not been ashamed to commit."

But their exclamations were of little avail: the same fate attended muzzles, that had formerly attended the gowns without sleeves. The preachers were left to catch cold in the temples. All the women took gags, and quitted them not, either till they found them useless, or were tired of them.

CHAP. XVII.
The two Devouts

For some days past the Sultan left the Toys at rest. Important affairs, on which he was busy, suspended the effects of his ring. In this interval it was, that two women of Banza made diversion for the whole town.

They were professed devouts. They had managed their intrigues with all possible discretion, and were in full enjoyment of a reputation, which even the malice of those of their own class paid respect to. In the mosques nothing was talk'd of but their virtue. Mothers proposed them as patterns to their daughters, and husbands to their wives. The principal maxim of both was, that scandal is the greatest of all sins. This conformity of sentiments, but above all, the difficulty of edifying a clear-sighted and crafty neighbour at an easy expence, had got the better of the difference of their tempers, and they were very good friends.

Zelida received Sophia's Bramin: and it was at Sophia's house that Zelida confer'd with her director; and by a little self-examination, the one could hardly be ignorant of what concerned the other's Toy: but the whimsical indiscretion of these Toys kept them both in cruel apprehensions. They held themselves as on the point of being unmask'd, and of losing that reputation of virtue, which had cost them fifteen years dissimulation and management, and which now embarassed them very much.

At some moments they would even forfeit their lives, especially Zelida, to be as much blasted as the greatest part of their acquaintance. "What will the world say? What will my husband do? – What! that woman so reserved, so modest, so virtuous, that Zelida, like others, is but – Alas! this thought distracts me! – Yes, I wish I never had any reputation," cried Zelida in a passion.

She was then with her female friend, who was making the same reflections, but without such violent commotion. Zelida's last words made her smile. "Laugh, madam, without constraint. Burst out," said Zelida, touched to the quick. "To be sure you have good cause." "I am as sensible of the impending danger, as you can be," answered Sophia, with an air of indifference; "but how to shun it? For you will agree with me, that there is no likelyhood that your wish will be accomplish'd."

"Contrive an expedient then," replied Zelida: "Oh!" said Sophia, "I am tired of rummaging my brain, I can find none. – To bury one's self in a country seat, is one way; but to abandon the pleasures of Banza, and renounce life, is what I will never do. I perceive that my Toy will never approve it." "What is to be done then?" "What! to leave all to providence, and laugh, as I do, at what the world will say. I have tried all shifts to reconcile reputation with pleasures: but since it is decreed that we must renounce reputation, let us at least preserve pleasures. We were uniques: but now, my dear, we shall be like a hundred thousand others; do you look on this as a hard fate?"

"Yes, without doubt," replied Zelida; "to me it seems hard to be like those, for whom I had put on a sovereign contempt. In order to avoid this mortification, methinks I would fly to the world's end."

"Set out, my dear," continued Sophia; "for my part, I stay – But à propos, I advise you to furnish yourself with some secret, to prevent your Toy from blabbing on the road."

"Indeed," replied Zelida, "pleasantry here has a very ill grace, and your intrepidity – "

"You are mistaken, Zelida, there is not a grain of intrepidity in my proceeding. To let things go their own way, when we cannot stop them, is resignation. I see that I am to be dishonoured: well then, dishonour for dishonour, I shall spare myself as much of the uneasiness as I can."

"Dishonour'd!" replied Zelida, bursting into tears. "Dishonour'd! What a shock! I cannot bear it. – Oh! accursed Bonza, 'tis thou that hast ruin'd me. I loved my husband, I was born virtuous; I should have loved him still, if thou hadst not made a wicked use of thy ministry and my confidence. Dishonour'd, dear Sophia! – "

She had not power to make an end. Sobs intercepted her words, and she fell on the carpet, quite in despair. As soon as Zelida recovered her speech, she cried out in a lamentable tone: "Alas! my dear Sophia, I shall die – I must die. No, I shall never survive my reputation."

"But Zelida, my dear Zelida, do not be in a hurry to die: perhaps," said Sophia – "No perhaps shall stop me, I must dye." – "But perhaps one might" – "One might do nothing, I tell you" – "But speak, my dear, what might one do?" – "Perhaps one might hinder a Toy from talking." "Ah! Sophia, you endeavour to comfort me by false hopes, you deceive me." "No, no, I do not deceive you; only hear me, instead of distracting yourself like a mad creature. I have heard talk of Frenicol, Eolipila, gags and muzzles." "Pray, what connexion is there between Frenicol, Eolipila, muzzles, and the danger which threatens us? What business has my Toyman here, and what is a muzzle?"

"It is this, my dear. A muzzle is a machine invented by Frenicol, approved by the academy, and improved by Eolipila, who claims the honour of the invention." "But pray, this machine invented by Frenicol, approved by the academy, and improved by that silly fellow Eolipila." – "Oh! you are of a vivacity that surpasses imagination. Well then, this machine being applied to a Toy, renders it discreet in spite of its teeth." – "Can this be true, my dear?" "It is so said." "We must know it," replied Zelida, "and immediately too."

She rang, one of her women appeared, and she sent for Frenicol. "Why not for Eolipila?" said Sophia. "Frenicol is less taken notice of," answered Zelida.

The Toyman came away with the messenger. "Ah! Frenicol, are you there," said Zelida, "you are welcome. Make haste, my friend, to extricate two women out of cruel anxiety." – "What is the business, ladies? Would you please to have some rare Toys?" – "No, we have two already, and we would willingly" – "Part with them, I suppose. Pray, ladies, let me see them, I will take them, or we will make an exchange." – "You are mistaken, Mr. Frenicol, we have nothing to truck." – "Well, I understand you, you have some ear-rings, which you would desire to lose, so as that your husbands may find them in my shop." – "Not that neither; pray, Sophia, inform him of the matter." "Frenicol," continued Sophia, "we want two – What, don't you understand?" "No, madam: how would you have me understand, when you say nothing?" – "'Tis," said Sophia, "because when a woman is modest, it gives her pain to speak plain on certain things." "But yet," replied Frenicol, "she must speak plain. I am a Toyman, not a Conjuror." – "You must guess however." – "Faith, ladies, the more I look on ye, the less I comprehend ye. When a lady is young, rich, and pretty as you are, she is not reduced to artifice: moreover, I declare sincerely, that I sell them no longer. I have left the dealing in those baubles to young beginners in the trade."

Our devouts found the Toyman's mistake so ridiculous, that they both burst out into a violent fit of laughter, which disconcerted him. "Permit me, ladies, to make my bow, and withdraw. You might well have spared yourselves the trouble of sending for me three miles off, to divert yourselves at my cost." "Stop, stop, friend," said Zelida, still laughing on. "That was not our intention. But by your misapprehending us, such ridiculous notions came into your head." – "'Tis in your power, ladies, to put juster into it. What is the business?" "Oh! Mr. Frenicol, let me laugh at ease, before I answer you."

Zelida laugh'd till she panted for breath. The Toyman thought within himself that she had the vapors, or was out of her senses, and had patience. At length Zelida ceased. – "Well," said she, "the business relates to our Toys, our own Toys, do you understand me, Mr. Frenicol? To be sure you cannot be ignorant, that for some time past several Toys have prattled like magpyes: now we would be very glad that ours would not follow this bad example." "Ah! now I take it, that is to say," replied Frenicol, "that you want a muzzle each." – "Very right, you have hit it off truly. I have been told that Mr. Frenicol was no fool." "Madam, your goodness is very great. As to what you require, I have of all sorts, I go this moment to bring you some."

Frenicol went accordingly: in the mean while Zelida embraced her friend, and thank'd her for her expedient: and I, says the African author, went to take a nap, waiting his return.