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239 печ. страниц
2019 год
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NGOMHLA
Inyaniso ehlekisayo
StaVl Zosimov Premudroslovsky

© StaVl Zosimov Premudroslovsky, 2019

ISBN 978-5-0050-9566-4

Создано в интеллектуальной издательской системе Ridero

ISAHLUKO SOKUQALA

inqaku loku-1

Inkosi yakhala ngempama

Emva kokuba ndibhalele umama: «Yiza i-lard, molo mama!», Ndahamba ndisiya kwicala lasekhaya elalambileyo ndaze ndacinga:

– Nguwuphi umahluko phakathi kwamaRussia namaMelika namaYurophu?

– Kwaye kwinto yokuba bahlala kwaye bacinga ngokuvakalayo, siya kufikelela. -Ndiziphendulile ndahamba. Ndafuna ukusela – eyoyikisayo kwaye iyakuluma. Ndiyahamba, ngoko ke ndihamba phakathi kwe-alley ukuya kumgama wecala eliqinisekisiweyo lekhonkrithi lishishini elithile loshishino. Ndiyabona kuya kuba mnyama. Ndiva ukuba kwelinye icala kocingo kukho umntu owenza ethule, kodwa ohlabayo, ongakwaziyo ukubetha. Ndaphendula ngokufanayo. Ndibona ukuba ingxowa yeetapile ibhabha kwenye into kwelinye icala locingo, ifakwe into apha kum nam. Ndinkqonkqoze, kwaye ibhegi ichukumise ukuhamba kwenja yohlobo olungaziwayo, kusasele ixesha ngaphambi kwam. Ndaye ndaya kuye, ndamvavanya ngobuchule, kwaye, ndingamkrokreli okanye ndicinge ngayo nantoni na, ndamkhulula, kwaye kukho …, apho?! Apho wayepakishwe eqinile, ecinezelwe soseji esitshayayo. Ngaphandle kokucinga ngayo nantoni na, ndakhupha enye, ndayibamba ibag ngeapile ka-Adam kwaye, ndiyilahla emagxeni am, ndakhawuleza ngesantya seFerrari ndisiya ehostele yam, ndadla loo sausage ingalibalekiyo endleleni.

Ndifuna kwangoko ukufunda kwaye ndiphile.

Kwenzeka ntoni emva koko?! Kuzya. U-Lee: Ungumlozi, ungumntu ophosa iibhatata, naye ungummi waseSyntyvkar kwaye weza kumhlobo wakhe kunye neqela lakhe: ummi waseAldyrbaguy gorge, ifama «Ndinike ukutya», nendima yakhe endiyidlalileyo ekuthinjweni kwaye asithethi isiRashiya.

– iphi ibhegi? Kubuza u-Kuzya.

– Kwaye wamphosa? – Umlingane ongumHebhere uphendule umbuzo.

– Kwaye ubetha impempe?

– Kwaye..

Emva koko kuza idabi lesidenge. Kodwa ngokunyaniseka, i-sausage yayikrakra-ithambile kwaye inencasa…

P.S.: Sithengise phantsi kwebhegi kusapho kwaye sazaliswa lulwandle lokugcwala kunye nobudenge… iseshoni yanikwa i-bang…

 
inqaku lesi-2
Umboniso wehagu
 

Ngenye imini, kuba benganikezeli kwiseshoni, bandithatha ndangenisa kumkhosi wemikhosi yaseSoviet Union, oko kukuthi, emkhosini. Apho, ngenyanga, ndalibala yonke into endandiyifunda kumaziko okugcina abantwana abasahlala ekhaya, enkulisa, kwisikolo samabanga aphakamileyo nakwizikolo ezibini ezifundisayo enamanani: amakhulu asixhenxe asibhozo amawaka anamakhulu asithoba anamashumi amane anesithathu anamanqaku amashumi amabini anesine anamakhulu amabini, oko kukuthi ngasekhohlo kwendlela esuka kwindevu ukuya kwindawo ye-bald Ngaphantsi kwendlela.

Simi, ke ngoko siphantse sasemsebenzini ekungeneni kwigumbi lomkhosi kwaye satshaya icuba emnyango. Yabakho ke intlekele kwilizwe lethu lokuphumla. Ixesha lalinzima, icuba iipakethi ezintathu ngenyanga. Kwaye indawo yethu ibekwe kufutshane neFama edibeneyo «iBull udder» kwaye kuyinyani. Ke ngoko sime kwaye sitshaye, kwaye uBawo Yaga uyaphuma emva komthi. Kuyinyani, igama lakhe yayinguJadwiga. Kulungile. -Sicinga, – inkukhu endala kwaye, nangaphandle kwayo, siphupha malunga neebhasi ezinamagqabi amnyama. Kwaye uyakhala, ephazamisa iingcinga zethu. Usisithulu kwaye uyimfama.

– Owu, majoni, phendula, www?!

– B, sidenge, yintoni le uyithukayo? Singamakhulu asibhozo anamashumi amabini eesenti kude kuwe?! Emva kocingo!!

– Njani?

– Bes! -liphendulile igosa elinoxanduva. -Ufuna ntoni, uthi, okanye uye ku-carrot chop?

– Me, utsho umakhulu. -kuya kufuneka uye kuthengisa, kwaye uncume, -Ihagu encinci, iBoryusenka. Ndiza kubeka ukukhanya kwelanga etafileni, nditsho ndikunike.

– Unjani ngoku? Ndibuze, umntu obona iihagu kuphela kwizu, kodwa ngesizathu esithile abizwa ngokuba yimvubu.

– Njani?

– Dras!! Ziswa yintoni?? Ndiphindaphinde ngelizwi.

– Ndiza kukunika inyama yengulube … -ukungeva okanye ungawuqondi umbuzo wam, endala yaphendulwa.

– Wena, apha endleleni, ubhabha i-agaric gluttonous.. – Ndicebisile, phambi kwabahlobo bam.

– Kwaye uhlala phi? -ambuza umhlobo

– Kwaye uze ezilalini ubuze uYadu, izitrato zethu ziludlolo.

– Yintoni? I-Arsenic, okanye yintoni? Ndakhwaza ndayiva endlebeni yakhe, ngokungathi umbhobho.

– Hayi, sithandwa! Hehe.. Buza uYad Vigu!!

– Kwaye iza nini? -abuza umbuzo.

– Kwaye ngeempelaveki, emini! Andizukumondla. -uphendule umakhulu wahamba wayolanda i-spiky green bush.

Ukugqiba kwam, ndacela umntu endisebenza naye.

– Comrade, ngaba uxhebe iihagu?

– Ewe kunjalo. Ndandihlala kwidolophu edibeneyo yedolophu.

I-Cawe ifikile. Sibalekele kwi-AWOL kwikona ekude yocingo. Sifike ezilalini kungekho ngxaki kwaye kwakungekho nzima kuthi ukuba simfumane indlu yakhe, ingakumbi kuba kaloku bekukho izindlu ezintlanu kuphela ezilalini, kunye nehostele enabasebenzi abafudukayo, izixhobo ezenziwe ngamaplanga. Yiza kuthetha kuye. Kwaye yena kunye ne-breadcrumbs, kunye netyuwa, kunye ne-goofer ifunyenwe. Sitye ukutya kwendalo kwaye sasela ngakumbi.

– Kulungile, mfazi mdala? – Umlingani uqale. – iphi ihagu?

– Ewe, yihagu, ithandekayo esibondeni. uye waphendula wangena egumbini. Ukhupha isiqingatha semitha. Ityhila kwaye itsala isaphetha senkulungwane yesihlanu BC, ngokucacileyo ukusukela kwiminyaka yobudala. U-rusty, rusty kunye nesibambo esongelwe kwitayile yombane.

– Apha, nyana, lo nguJoseph wam obedlulileyo, emva kweMfazwe yeHlabathi yokuQala. Xa kumzi-mveliso wenyama, wayehlala kwaye esika wonke umntu: nkomo kunye nenkukhu.

Ndaziva ndingakhululekanga ukujonga uStakhanovsky, imbonakalo eqaqambileyo. Umhlobo uthathe isitshixo ezandleni zomphathi kakubi…

– Yiza, ndikuxelele. -Ikhwelise phi, A?

Ujikajikela kwisisele.

– Apho, – uthi, -Uyintanda wam u-Borusenka.

Ndinyanisekile, ndijonga le Borusenka kwaye amehlo am abesemva kweendlebe zam.

I-corral yakhe yadutyulwa phantsi kwiibhodi nge-slits ezimbini ngabathathu. Kwaye kwi-crevice slots iifolda kunye nentonga ixhonywa kwi-elastic. Kuyabonakala ukuba le yihagu Boryushishche sisiqingatha sobomi kwaye ayixoki.

– , oh, dees zam, ndiza kuya endlwini. -ugogo obenkcunkca, egubungela umlomo wakhe wethothless kunye neekona zesikhafu. -Kanti uyinyamekele ngakumbi nge-boryusenka. Ndim kuphela kwezihlobo zam. Akho omnye umntu, ndimjongile kwasekuzalweni. Kulungile, iinkomo zam ezinqumayo. Yyyyyyy!! -Ixhegokazi yalila kwaye ngokukhawuleza yayeka ukutyibilika kwakanye yawa swoop, yatshintsha ilizwi layo lisuka kwisinyibilikisi lisiya kwisibhakela. Kwaye kwaye ungalibali, bafana, ndinayo ngentengiso…

– Yonke into iya kube ikhwaza, granny!!! -UComrade ukhuthaziwe waguqukela kum. -Nawe mhlobo wam, ndincedise ngaphandle, vula isango.

Ndasondela kancinci ndaguqula iinyibiliki, isango likhule, nengulube ayizange ifake nendlebe yakhe. Ukukhaba ibastard. Ewe, umhlobo wam khange abhideke kwangoko, kwaye nangawo onke amandla akhe, ukuba uyinquma njani ihagu kwisitayile esixhakaxhaka, esisiqingatha kwaye wakhwela. Isidlaliso, ubungakanani beplate. Emva kwemizuzwana embalwa, ihagu yavula iliso lakhe lasekunene, emva koko lasekhohlo. Emva koko kwalandela ukutyibilika, kwaye «inyamakazi» egama linguKutsiba yatsiba emathangeni akhe inamathele ngaphandle kwesisu sayo, imilenze yayo ingajongwanga.

Ukujija ngamehlo omabini enkqayiyo, emva koko kuye kwalungisa abafundi beblue blond kwicala elahlukileyo, ihagu yajika yajonga kumlinganiso. Emva kokuba ejijise amehlo kwakhona kwisibambo sentambiso, wayishukumisa ngesiteketiso: phezulu, ezantsi; phezulu, ezantsi, ejonge ngamehlo okujonga ikomrari kwaye ikhukulisekile, kakhulu kangangokuba i-corral yonke nje idibene neqela leetshipsi. Umgquba omtsha ufafazwe phantsi kweenyawo zakhe kwaye wagubungela izimbumbulu zeenkukhu, wazibhuqa ezingubeni, ezazijonga okwenzekayo. Umrhanelwa wayesele engxamile esiya egadini, ngokusebenzisa iiyadi yezobusi lwezoqoqosho. Ihagu mamm endiyilwelayo, ikhawuleza ibanjwe ngumoni, ichitha zonke izinto eziphilayo ezazinemvume yokuhlala kule yadi. Utat’omkhulu unamathele efestileni, ethambisa impumlo yakhe. Ndabambelela ecaleni, ndisoyika nje.

Ukubaleka ngaphandle kwegceke, umlingani, eshukuxa i-zigzag, waqala ukoyisa ukutyala kwegadi, etyumza amagcuwa kunye nee-hotbeds, kunye nengulube enkulu, u-Borusya, wazama ukuyiluma esithendeni, kuphela isiphatho sentsimbi yeshumi elinasibhozo yekrele elingene ngaphandle kwe-nickel ephazamisane nayo. umdlalo ongenakuthelekiswa nanto. Umgama mfutshane kwaye umlingani wayesele ekhala efuna uncedo kwaye ujikile ujikeleze nje kuphela, wamnceda wakwazi ukuphuma nokubaleka, nto leyo yayiboniswa sisihlwele se-Asiatic-Gypsies kunye neqela lababukeli-abamelwane ababejonge ngaphandle kocingo. Oomama abangamaTajik nabanejypsy bakhuphele abantwana ecaleni kocingo, kodwa khange batshaye, befuna ukubukela umntu ophilayo obizwa ngokuba: «ukuziphindezela kunye nokubulawa kwengulube ye-mammoth i-Borusi ngaphezulu komlo wamajoni aseRussia.» Kwaye kuya kuba lusizi ukuba ibingengomqolomba wokufumba womgquba ngasekupheleni kwegadi, kodwa kuwo kukho isaladi yokunamathela isaladi apho abahlali beelali zaseRussia bafihle i-hay kwizitaki. Bababamba, ngokungafanelekanga, umntu olwa naye, kwaye ngephanyazo yonke into yenzeka ngokwahlukileyo okanye ngokulandelelana: ihagu ebililwayo ekulweni yabe ibaleka, kwaye omnye umlobi wayirhola ecaleni kwamanqatha, ngokwe-stalk, kwaye ngokukhawuleza nangokulenza ngobuchule, ngokungathi uvavanywa ngobuchule., ayibambeli iifolokhwe, kodwa umpu uKalashnikov ohlaselayo, ephethe umpu we-bayonet. Kwaye nabaphulaphuli baxhase umlo ngokuqhwatyelwa izandla, bedumisa beqhwabela izandla uloyiso oluzayo lwe-homo sapiens, imikhosi yaseRussia eqhelekileyo – ngaphezulu kwendalo, ukuqiqa ngengqondo, kwaye ngenxa yoko ingulube ayikwazanga kulwisa uhlaselo kwaye yawa iswele, kanye phambi komnyango wendlu, embundwini apho bekukho isheyi. ebambe isikhafu ngesandla esinye kwaye ephosa yesibini emva kwakhe ngasemva, umakhulu ka-Yad-Vig ongumfundisi. Umlingani wenze isiqu sokugqibela kwisidumbu sehagu kunye ne-pitchfork, wahlaba umzimba wesilwanyana esingaphilanga, eshukuma njengomtya wee-bass eziphindwe kabini, eziphindaphindayo.

Molo, umlingane, uSpartak uqale ubuqhawe. -igqibile, ugalele kwaye usete itafile!!!

Utamkhulu wayitsalela iphini etyhutyha emva kwakhe, eqengqelela inhlama yeendawo zokulahla nepitsa, waza ke yena wamthi nqaku phantsi wambamba ngamehlo. Kwakukho isithonga esikhala, kwaye sobabini sabaleka samshiya. Ubuye namatye e-cobblestones, i-kilogram ezilishumi ukuya ezintlanu, asigibisela. Kwaye bonke ababukeli besiya ngakuye bazokuma ngakuthi, kodwa abazange babambe, kodwa umva kula matye wenzakalisile. Umakhulu uYad-Vig, emva koko wabhala isikhalazo kumphathi wegqiza, bandinika iintsuku ezilishumi, kunye noComrade – batshaya ngempazamo iminyaka emibini, apho wayeqala ngentsimbi ukuya kwintsimbi, ecoca i-shit kwi-pigsty yendawo, ngesandla…

 
inqaku lesi-3
Ukuthintela iithoyilethi
 

Kwakunje: ngasemva kwesikhululo samapolisa somlawuli omkhulu, uSanta kunye no-Sasha nje, kwindawo ye-penony ye-alimony eyingozi, kukho indlu yangasese ye-bio yeebhokisi ezintathu ezixhunywe ngumxokelelwane omnye, zinyanzelwe yinjongo enye, ezimbini zasebenza njengegumbi lokuya kwindlu yangasese, apho abahlali baseSt. Petersburg, kwaye owesithathu yayiyiofisi yomqhubi kunye nomsasari, kumntu omnye owayeqokelela imali kwinkonzo yokubonelela ingqokelela yempahla.

Abantu babemi emgceni, bebaleka belindele zonke iindawo zokuqala. Kwaye kwithuba phakathi kwabandwendweli, ndayihluza imali, ndathengisela imali yakhe umakazi, owayekwisikhundla sokusebenza kunye nomgcini wezi ntlobo zangasese zepoliyo, uClaudia Filippovna Undershram, uLeningrad olilifa lesibini. Khange akhawuleze anikezele ekucingeni kwam ngobugebenga, ndifuna ukuqaphela ukuba khange ndiziveze ngelo xesha, ndathetha naye. Kodwa isiphumo sasisebusweni. Ubuso baphindwe kabini. Kwakukho, ngohlobo, ngokuhlwa. Kwaye sele abantu behlile ngobuninzi. Mna, andicingi ngamandla omzimba kamakazi, ndigqibe kwelokuba ndenze into encinci. Ngapha koko, bendinokusetyenziswa simahla komzimba. Kwaye njengokuba ndandiye kwi-biosort yasimahla, ndaziva nditsho njengoAunt. Ukutya okutyelweyo ndikubeke ngasese ngasese. Emva koko ndaba nesiyezi, emva koko incoko kunye nabaphambukeli yalandelwa, kwaye nangaphezulu, ukuqhuma kwezinto ezibuyiselwe iphecana lesisu eludongeni, ngomlomo wam kunye nokulala, iphupha elimnandi ngaphandle kwamaphupha. Ngeli xesha, uClaudia Filippovna Undershram uvukile kunxila, waveza umlomo owomileyo kunye nemvakalelo yomqala, oko kukuthi, unxaniwe, wagalela into engamanzi kwaye, ngokukhawuleza kwaye woyika ukutshona, njengesizathu sokufika kade ekhaya. Uye wavuka ngequbuliso wavala, egxalabeni, yonke into eyomileyo kunye nam, ndilala ngaphakathi, kubandakanya ukubaleka…

Ke kaloku kwabubusuku obugcwele yimigqumo yengca kunye neenjineli zendlela ezahlukeneyo zobomi ezingafikanga kwindlela engaphantsi, zilele kwiibhentshi. Beqwalasele ukuphaphama, amagosa amathathu onyanzeliso lomthetho enxibe iyunifomu, kwimoto yenkampani, ye-Zhiguli uphawu olunamanani aluhlaza kunye nombhalo kumacala e-MILURE, amapolisa ayengekaqanjwa eRussia, ahamba esiya kuhlola icala elimnyama. Emva kokuqinisekisa ukuba yonke into ihambelana nomthetho kwaye akukho mntu unokuthatha imali eseleyo, bamisa izithuthi zabo ezifanayo, zijikeleze i-real estate, ezibandakanya i-biosorti… Ababini banemipu, oomatshini, iitoti zerhasi, iibhutsi kunye neebhekile baphuma besiya entloko ukuya kwizitali zabarhwebi baseAsiya be «shawarma», eqhutywa ngabemi base Russian Federation, ngesizwe sase Moroccans, ababengaqondi ncam ne Russian, kodwa bengabemi, kwaye kwakuyitekski enombhalo «GAY SHAURMA WOKUTHENGA KUNYE NOKUXHUMA». Kutheni igama elinje, mhlawumbi, abaguquleli mhlawumbi babenoburharha. Umqhubi ephethe umpu, wayehleli emotweni kwi-helm kwaye ngequbuliso?!

 



 



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