Dangerous advice

Rosamunda lifted the hem of her ermine-trimmed dress and walked past the thoughtful councilors.

There were indeed cracks in the columns around the council chamber. And there was a funny-looking animal, like a miniature dragon, crawling on top of one of the columns. It must have been brought back by her warlord from his distant campaigns.

It was bright green, like a sparkling emerald. Its claws deftly clung to the cracks in the column, sliding down. Its amber eyes glittered slyly. There were three of them at once, not two. The thorns on the head were growing, forming something like a crown.

What a marvel! You wouldn’t even see such a thing in the royal menagerie. It wasn’t a lizard or a dragon, but something in between.

«Whose are you? And where did you come from?»

Rosamunda reached out her hand to the marvelous animal. She wanted to touch its patterned wings, but she couldn’t. The dragon crawled away into a deep crevice in the column, as if after a great earthquake. Just watch, the whole castle will fall apart! There are probably really strong earthquakes in the country.

«What if you’re the cause?» The annoying voice of reason whispered.

Nonsense! She can’t be the cause of natural disasters. She’s not a witch! It is likely that somewhere in the kingdom a huge volcano has awakened and is bubbling with lava, which from afar can be mistaken for an angry dragon. Even if the whole kingdom is gone, the queen, who has never witched in her life, has nothing to do with it. So why is her conscience whispering to her that she caused all the disasters? How can that be?

The condemning looks of the ministers say the same thing. Can Rosamunda really hear their thoughts as others hear words? Or does she think she can? There’s a reason she has a bad memory. There must be something wrong with her head. She could have been badly traumatized if she had accompanied armies to war in the past. The problem was that Rosamunda really couldn’t remember much about herself. It is except for the recent past. The most vivid of memories were the most fantastic – letters written by fire. Could they be nothing but dreams? But the ashes on the carpet in her chambers were definitely real. True, it could have come there by some more ordinary method. It could be a fireplace that hadn’t been cleaned in a long time. Or a maid could have scattered the debris she’d cleaned out of the fireplace mantel and then not cleaned it up.

Rosamunda looked back at the council chamber. None of the ministers dared follow her. It was as if they had all conspired. So be it! She was more interested in spending her leisure hours in the company of the unusual dragon-like beast that had slipped through the gap.

«I wonder whose it is?» She thought aloud. «Could it be the pet of Warlord Aran?»

The empty hall would not answer her, of course. But there was a voice nearby.

«It could be yours, if you wished it sincerely. But you are shy and modest, fearing that you cannot afford such a wonderful toy. And yet you are the richest queen in the world. Why be shy?»

The voice came from below, as if from a deep pit. But there’s no such thing as a pit in a great hall. Was there a gap in the floor? Rosamunda looked at her feet and gasped in surprise. A creature that looked like a small troll or dwarf, but dressed like a court dandy, was standing in front of her. It barely reached her knee. Skinny clawed hands, like a harpy’s, were the largest organ of its body. They greedily reached for Rosamunda’s hem, groped the ermine and inhaled the exquisite perfume with pleasure.

«Who are you?» The queen was stunned.

«What would you call me?»

Any windy court lady would have laughed at such a question. He’s not a newborn baby to be named after all. But Rosamunda thought hard.

«Dandy,» she finally thought of it, stopping her gaze on the smart green-red velvet he was wearing. It was the most dignified thing she could think of in connection with him. Not to call him a scarecrow in a caftan.

«It is not bad,» the monster praised. «It sounds like a court position.»

Rosamunda still could not believe that the fairy animal was speaking to her in human language.

«Do you want a position at court?» She stammered. Wasn’t he planning to become the overseer of the menagerie?

«I could be your best advisor,» he said, his horned head held high.

«What do you mean?» The queen backed away, but claws clung to her ermine hem.

«Just think, all your ministers are as stupid as corks. What was the last good advice they gave you? Nothing! I could give you a lot of good advice.»

«But if I try to get you on the King’s Council, it’ll be difficult, given your unusual appearance.»

«We’d be in the public eye,» Dandy squinted at Rosamunda. He had to hold his head up high to see her face. «What beautiful earrings you have! With rubies! I would have them for myself as a token of your favor and in payment for my services.»

Rosamunda frowned.

«Well, it is all right,» conceded Dandy. «I was joking.»

«I don’t think my counselors will accept you into their circle.»

They’ll probably throw a sack over him after the first council, with the intention of drowning him in the sea and thus getting rid of all his advice. As it is, there is often great competition between ministers, fierce disputes are carried on, and treacherous intrigues are plotted. With a female queen, the cronies vie for power. And here comes some dwarf-sized scarecrow to assert his rights.

Rosamunda herself would never offend anyone, especially funny animals of any kind, even fairy-tale ones. But here were her ministers who were sometimes cruel to petitioners and even to each other. Maybe that’s why things weren’t going too well in the kingdom.

«You can’t do without my advice,» Dandy insisted.

Why not? She has a whole company of adult and experienced advisers, so what good is a dwarf?

«I’m the only one who can climb into every hole in the world and find out exactly what danger awaits you. I can climb into the council of your enemies who are planning to make war on you and find out all their plans. No one would even notice me.»

«Then you should be a spy, not a counselor.»

«It is reasonable, but not quite,» Dandy began to groom her like a cavalier in love, stroking the ermine on her dress with his claws. «You are beautiful, but quite naive. I’m creepy, you don’t have to hold up a mirror to me, I know I’m no match for you. But you can’t do it without my cunning. And here’s my first piece of advice: you want to know if a real dragon is really attacking your domain, so go and check for yourself. Don’t listen to anyone else! They can all lie. Take a carriage and I’ll be your coachman, so that none of your servants will say anything to anyone. We’ll ride together to the mountains where the dragon is rumored to nest. And you can see for yourself if it’s true or fairy tale.»

Sounds like a good idea! Rosamunda thought for a moment. Maybe she should pay attention to what he said.

«I’d rather send my warlord.»

«How do you know you can trust him? What if he wants to usurp power? Then he’ll only tell you what’s good for him. Either he’ll make up a pack of dragons that doesn’t exist to scare you, or he’ll claim he hasn’t found any to put you off your guard.»

«Is everyone that deceitful?»

«People want power,» Dandy said admonishingly. «And only you should have power. To keep it in your hands, you have to sniff it out yourself. Otherwise you will be given in marriage to some old man or your bully warlord by force. If you want to remain sole queen, you’ll not only have to see the dragon, but even tame it.»

«But how is it?» Rosamunda felt sick at the thought of dragon fire.

«How do you do this?» Dandy pointed with his claw at the cracks in the floor and columns. They weren’t here yesterday. And today she’s angry and they’re here.

«It’s the earthquake, not me.»

«Earthquakes are always caused by someone. Trust me, I know from experience. If it’s not you, there’s a powerful sorcerer living in the cellars of your castle. Or he could hide among your courtiers.»

«Don’t scare me like that!»

«A queen should not be frightened of anything,» Dandy shook his index claw instructively. «Especially it is a dragon that could serve you profitably.»

«What fairy tales!»

«I knew a queen who tamed a dragon. True, they had so many scandals that everything went up in flames. But when the dragon got drunk, he served her like a faithful dog.»

«What are you talking about?» Rosamunda exclaimed judgmentally, but Dandy didn’t seem to hear her.

«By the way, the dragon was gold, and the queen was greedy, but she knew perfectly well that it was not worth skinning it for the treasury, when in a live form it could get more profit for her than the precious scales alone were worth.»

«Surely you were her advisor,» Rosamunda quipped.

«Alas, I was not. Unlike you, she was cunning without me. She managed to wrest that dragon from an entire royal clan from an enemy power. She didn’t hesitate to poach him. What a clever little beast!»

«Where does that queen live?»

«It is in Fallot.»

«That’s not that far. We could send her a message and see if you can verify what you say.

«Don’t! She won’t answer you honestly anyway. Her Majesty, the red-haired Queen Seraphina has always been devilishly cunning.»

«Does the dragon still serve her?»

«Not anymore! Now is your chance to lure him into her service. It won’t be difficult with your outward abilities.»

«You speak of the dragon as if he were a young man.»

Dandy laughed softly. An unpleasant rumbling echo traveled through the hall, flying into every crevice. Rosamunda looked around cautiously. Had any of the counselors heard the laughter? Or else they would think that it was the devil himself laughing, and she, the queen, who had called him, and who should be declared a witch and sent to the stake.

«Listen! Only a witch can control a dragon, right?»

«I thought of it myself!» Dandy grinned slyly.

«Well, I’m not a witch! Then I shouldn’t even look at it. It’s too dangerous.»

She wanted to run away, but the insolent clawed counselor clutched at her hem. He’s so intrusive! He can’t be moved by force! He looks small, but he’s as strong as a giant.

«Stop it! You must go to the mountains and see if the dragon is real. If you don’t check it yourself, everyone will fool you with fairy tales.»

«But you said yourself he’s not fictional.»

«It is not in Fallot! But in the mountains of your kingdom, who knows? I haven’t climbed there and I haven’t checked. I leave that privilege to the ruler of the land, which is you.»

This could be some kind of trap! He’s been luring her into the mountains with too much persistence. On the other hand, what does she have to lose by sneaking up there? And if her hunch is correct, and her anger can make the earth shake and crack, sucking in an entire enemy army, then she has nothing to fear from the conspirators or even the dragon.

«It is all right, you got it!»

Dandy scraped the already cracked marble floor with the claws of his lower paws in joy.

«I’ll go steal a carriage!»

«It’s easier to just borrow one from the stables.»

«No, then everyone will know who’s riding it. And we need to maintain our incognito. I’d rather they think the carriage was stolen.»

«But then we’ll be chased by the guards.»

«With your skills, it wouldn’t be hard for them to fall into the first ravine that cracks in the road.»

«Why should I go to such lengths for a dragon?»

«It is for you first and foremost! You need a fire-breathing protector or you’ll die.»

It was a fire-breathing problem! But Rosamunda remained silent. It would be useless to argue with Dandy, and if she called the guards, he would dash into the first crevice and disappear there, and then appear in her bedroom at night like a bogeyman from a nightmare. It’s better to make a deal with him.

«It’s really interesting to find out if dragons exist.»

«I’m curious, too,» Dandy admitted. «I’ve never seen one up close. Besides, if our plan succeeds, you’ll make me chief minister.»

«I didn’t promise that!»

«If you ride the dragon, you’ll probably want to thank me.»

«I’m a little scared.»

«Don’t be. You’re the ruler of an entire country, not a pussycat. It is for the good of your people, you must always be prepared to sacrifice yourself to dragons and burn alive.»

«That’s not in the king’s oath!»

«But just in case, say it to the people and you will be loved and respected. And when the time comes to burn in the dragon’s flames, you can either be scared and run away, or conspire with the dragon.»

Dandy proved to be a shrewd politician. And what misfortune would come of consorting with him? But she really wanted to see a real dragon from afar. Besides, a trip to the mountains costs nothing. It’s only half a day’s journey. No one at the castle would notice her absence. After all, the queen is unsociable. And when she comes to the council, disasters happen. So it’s best for everyone to assume she never leaves her chambers.